What risk would I take if I were being fully true to myself?

Today is Monday, but it isn't like any other Mondays. Just as Monday is the beginning of the days in a whole week, today is my first step towards a thousand miles' virtual journey: a deep quest for who I really am. It'll be full of ample reflecitions on life's pilgrimage. I don't intend to post them on a daily basis but just as time permits. I do hope you enjoy my sharings as it goes, and I welcome most your reactions, constructive comments, and useful advises. I'm new to this blog writing so kindly bear with my shortcomings.

Back to tha main question, "What risk would I take if I were fully true to my myself?" Just for today, I would like to answer to this question as follows. I'll risk feeling smaller and smaller. What exactly do I meant by this? I used to think that if I did many commendable things like being radically true to my present vocation as religious, then I'll be great and reasonably proud of it. And in fact, today I paid a pastoral visit to St Carulos' Hospital, Jakarta, and have had a heart to heart conversations with two patients undergoing hemodialysis (HD) treatments there. Briefly, our conversations focused on the realities of failing health as one advanced in age. The attitude of refusal when one is beset with an unexpected illness, how one tend to humbly bargain with God with all sort of humanly promises to renovate life's activities and commitments once one get well again, and so forth and so forth. All heart to heart conversations ended finally with a simple prayer of surrender or Doa Pasrah to God! Upon reaching home and in the depth of my solitude and reflections, I came to an awareness that I tend to felt great and proud because of the focus on the 'I'. Actually this 'I' as I deeply realised later is nothing than just a small 'self' but felt and projected as big and significant.

Honestly, this later reflection made me realised that for all the commendable works that I'm able to perform during the day, any day in fact, are only possible because God allows me time and space to perform them, which if otherwise, nothing I can do much. With this prayerful fruit of reflections, I realised that every time I go out of my comfort zones and perform healthy and religious services, I eventually risk myself feeling 'small' and 'decreasing', and allows God himself become 'great' and 'increasing' instead through my life. So, that's it, that is the risk I'm referring to. If you're reading this articles, I wanna thanks you for the time spent and have a fruitful days ahead!

Shalom!