Whose Lead Would I Like To Follow?

If I am not mistaken, St. Augustine was the one who uttered the following meaningful statement ..."Late have I love You LORD!" When I reflect seriously on the same statement, could I be in the same situation? In what way? To some extends, yes, I would agree with Augustine: "Lord, forgive me, for late have I love You! And thank you, Lord, for your gentle patient, you waited as if you knew eventually that it's just a matter of time that I will follow your Lead!"


I still remember vividly, my uncle's advice to me once he knew that I was interested to join the priesthood life. This is exactly what he said to me: "You no need to enter the priesthood if your only desires are to serve God and His faithfuls! You can opt for marriage life and then you still can serve God!" To this half-truth statement and opinion of him, I choose to be silent. No point of arguing with him even if I have had a strong cause to defend. But deep inside my heart, this is my personal conviction: If I first chose to get married and only then decided about how I may serve God, this is also one possibility, and there's nothing really wrong about it. However, if such was the case, obviously I am following my uncle's lead, Not God' lead or Will! Here, it's me choosing Him, not He choosing me, and that's a BIG DIFFERENT!

I, in the other hand, felt strongly that God is prompting me to follow Him by offering myself totally to becoming a priest, a religious priest for that matter. Here obviously, I'm responding to the One who called and choose me, not the other way round. I'm terribly glad that God had given me the grace of the discernment of Spirits, long before I join the Jesuit, because it was Ignatius, the Founder of the Society of Jesus, who wonderfully introduced and promoted the "Spiritual Exercises" as tools for the genuine discernment of the Spirit.

Today, the day the LORD has always bless, I am part of the members of the Society of Jesus - the Jesuit. Indeed, choosing to respond the called to be a Jesuit and living my life for God, is what it means to being happy! Indeed I learn and re-learnt to live life fully knowing that my genuine happiness lies in following God's lead alone, Not following my uncle's lead or even my personal's lead or will.

Perhaps, the next question I may ask my self is this: What gifts come from full commitment? Interesting question isn't it? To be exact and biblical in some sense, the answers lie in Mark's Gospel 10: 28-30... "Then Peter spoke up, 'Look, we have left everything and followed you.' 'Yes,' Jesus said to them, 'and I tell you that anyone who leaves home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and for the gospel, will receive much more in this present age. He will receive a hundred times more houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields--and persecutions as well; and in the age to come he will receive eternal life.'"

How true are these statements of Jesus, who can deny them? I personally experienced them, therefore I cannot refute Jesus, they are wonderfully true!!! I don't have to elaborate any longer the truth co'z I live with the truth. Especially and uniquely in Indonesia, I can call "Ibu" to all married Catholic women and "Bapak" to all Catholic married men. I just lost count how many Indonesian also called me sometime "Bapak", sometime "Koko", or "Mas"...and these really made me joyfully at home here.

So therefore, the above are just part of the answers to, "What gifts come from full commitment?" The list can be longer than that like, convenience and the availability of houses where I can stay, anytime, anywhere, travelling expenses fully borned by the Society, excellent educations or formations, etc., etc. But these are just the consequences of me leaving home and family, Not the main reasons I join the Jesuit!

Yes, it's been nine years now, I have committed myself fully to God's will, and I received abundance and great gifts from Him, only that I really lost count of them, really!


Alleluia, Praise the LORD !!!

Do I Believe Everything I Think?

Today...,

I must say that I am not quite right about what I thought many years back that I actually was heading into something really "against heavy odds". Today, it was proven without doubt that such was merely an apriori thinking. To be exact, I'm refering to my current undertaking or vocation in life, and how I perceived my long and winding search for deeper quest as something "impossible" to attain to, let alone to embracing it as my everlasting life's destination...

Indeed, now it's very liberating to realise and to accept that, many a time, I should be slow in trusting or simply believing everything I ever think of, esp my apriori thoughts, before the real things occur. In the context of my religious calling, years before I often doubt if I ever become what I was and is still genuinely groomed to become today...

If the object of my doubt were a 'dream' I thought it was like an "Impossible Dream"...to fight the unbeatable foe....to bear with the unbearable sorrow...to reach the unreachable stars...to run where the brave dare not go...as the attached song testified. Listen if you dare to Andy Williams' song, The Impossible Dream....




Today, I doubt no more on my deepest vocation especially after the auspicious moment of truth: our Diaconate Ordination, graced by his eminence Julius Cardinal Darmaatmadja, S.J., on the 16th February, 2010, at St. Bonaventure's Church, Pulomas, Jakarta Timur, has passed. Now, all that I need to cherish and maintain is my radical faithfulness to the One who Called and Chosen me into the Jesuit's religious Order, not forgetting that I was and still am "sinner yet called" to learn to surrender totally my whole life in His vast Vineyards. I confess though that surrendering my physical 'body' to Him seems attainable, but it is an uphill tasks to surrender radically my inner movement of thoughts, attitudes, and the likes. These could only be tamed with God's - ALLAH's - aids, no two ways about it!

My special gratitudes and "terima kasih" though must goes to Sisilia Francisca, a strong supporter of what I'm destined to journey through now and in the years to come. She generously introduced me to the following secular song but consciously interpreted into the religious sense. "Setia" which means faithful, is rightly belongs to God, that from time immemorial especially narrated both in the Christian's Old Testament and New Testament Bible, He is experienced as being faithful to His subjects, eventhough His subjects failed many times to remain faithful to Him.

As a future servant of Christ, and in imitation of His carrying of the Cross, I humbly seek the grace to remain faithful to Christ and remain faithful to the community as well. For that to happen, I ought to be a man of prayer, and a man who lives close to the LORD.

You, my like-minded Christian friends in the Lord, may continue to support me in prayers that I shall remain "SETIA" or faithful to the LORD ALLAH who called and chosen me into this present state of life...for the greater glory of GOD.

Yes, I cannot always believe everything that I think. Nevertheless, I can trust everything that God thinks and hopes of me...because I am His...


Amor, Ergo Sum, which basically means, I am loved - by God of course - therefore I am!

Cheers !!!